Are we in a gay sports bar?
I puked a lego.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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