Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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