Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize