He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
