My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Can Purell be used as lube?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
