I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
