I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
