The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
