the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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