why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
