I just cut my nipple shaving
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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