yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
