you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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