I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize