Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize