My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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