Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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