no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
