Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
