I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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