I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
True strength comes from lack of pants
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
