I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
