wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
