It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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