I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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