Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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