omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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