No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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