your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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