So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
