my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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