i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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