Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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