I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
