I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize