Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
