Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
