all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
