FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize