Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
