I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
