In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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