Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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