I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did you just see the Batmobile???
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
