We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
