Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize