I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
