you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
