Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
