All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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