Kareoke will never be a sober sport
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
only you would photoshop your dick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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