now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
