my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
