she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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