We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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