As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
