Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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