it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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