oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im part way to drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
