I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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