Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
