Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
