I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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