his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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