apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
God, I missed his penis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize