Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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