you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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