Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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