Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
