i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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