people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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