Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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