Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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